Please come out from under the bed. Please? I have a whole new bag of kitty treats, and I promise you can wallow in them if you'll just come out from under the bed and let me give you your insulin.
I know, it's getting close to bedtime and you know that means I probably have that nasty pill to give you, all crushed up in some chicken broth. I know you hate it, but it gives you an appetite and supposedly it's fixing your pancreatitis. Yes, I know how long we've been giving it to you. No, I agree ... I'm not sure it's helping, either. But you're supposed to get it, and get it you will. We don't use that nasty pill gun on you anymore, do we? And when was the last time I complained about you peeing on me?
Okay, thank you. You chow down on the kitty treats and I'll just give you your injection .... Hey! No fair moving like that while I'm trying to maneuver a sharp object! I'm not the diabetic here, you know.
Good boy! See? That wasn't so bad. You need to pee? No problem. What's it going to be - towel or bathroom floor? 'Cause I know you don't really care for either of your two litter boxes anymore. Wait! Where are you ... ? Dude! Everything's okay! No, don't go back under the ...
Please come out from under the bed.
You know I can't go to sleep until you've had this nasty concoction. Don't look at me that way. I don't enjoy this either.
You're not peeing under there, are you? You don't groom yourself anymore, so I can't really tell if the smell is just your natural funk or if you've done something that requires a roll of paper towels and some enzymatic cleaners. And while we're on the subject, let me just say that while I appreciate you peeing on the linoleum rather than the carpet, do you have to leave a puddle in the middle of the floor at 3:00 a.m.? Cold, wet socks are a hell of a thing to deal with at that time of the morning - especially when I've got a full bladder of my own. And it pretty much rules out going back to sleep.
Okay, I'll just sit up here on the bed and read until you come back out.
It's nice and quiet ... nothing but soft music from the radio and the sound of Mama's pages turning...
Nobody up here but you and me ... and I'm obviously engrossed in my book ...
Did you come out? Are you having a drink? Good boy! No, don't mind me, I'm just going to slide down off the bed and very innocently move vaguely in your direction. No! Don't go under ...
Reading again, nothing to be worried about ...
Still reading ...
Another drink? Going to try and pee again?
No, now, let me get this towel around you. No, we don't need our paws and claws out where we can use them. I know, it's horrible what the kitty has to put up with.
Here we go, perched on the pot, cuddling the bundle of kitty. Let's get this syringe up to those fuzzy kitty lips ... Dude, you're going to have to open up. Just a little.
Stop kicking me!
Okay, there we go ... nasty pill and yummy chicken broth, into the kitty! Yeeeesssss, that's a good boy! Buddy, just swallow it. Would you quit foaming at the mouth??? The more you spit it out, the more times we have to do this!
There's a warm spot on my lap all of a sudden. Well, I guess you don't need to pee anymore, do you?
Okay, all done - down we go!
Yes, I imprisoned your claw in the towel just to compound the trauma. Well, either let me help you or quit complaining!
Fine - go under the bed, see if I care. I give you ten minutes, tops, before you're up on the mattress making like a pee-scented pillow. Goodnight, you pain-in-the-ass cat.
p.s. Okay, come get under the covers. Yes, thank you for the kitty kisses. I love you, too. You're my bestest guy.